This longing feels very natural to me. I think it comes from my upbringing and the role I used to have at home in my early childhood. I'm the eldest of three children and I've felt very responsible for the well-being of my younger sister and brother, my parents, as well as for the harmony at home.

Namely, I was raised in a collectivistic culture where belonging to the family and the group was very important and the social control from the outside is very high. Following the social values and norms and meeting the social expectations was the rule. Otherwise, you'll end up quickly negatively judged. Therefore  I couldn't develop a strong identity. I learned to feel safe by “being invisible", by not existing as an individual and by becoming excellent in reading and fulfilling other people's expectations.  So, that I can be worthy of their love.

Having negative emotions, feeling fears and experiencing pain was considered as being weak. Therefore I've developed great fortitude, pain resistance and endurance and I've learned to work hard in order to get the things in my life that I really want. 

I've always had the feeling that I have to be perfect in order not to be rejected and not to lose the love. My parents' love. My teachers' love. My managers' love. And as a result, my own love for myself. I learned to earn love in order to feel worthy as a human being. And in that time to a large extent, I became very good at this.

Namely, good education was very important to my parents. As a result, I was one of the best at school. Both in college (I graduated as an economist), and in my generation.

As a result, I  got later a job in a huge international bank. I worked very hard there, 24/7, with my full heart and soul. This was seen and appreciated by my management which allowed me to make a rapid career development. I started as a Client Advisor and my last position was a Regional Manager for a region of 6 branches and around 100 employees. I had a great position, status and a huge salary. And I thought  I was happy. I felt seen, rewarded and adored. From the outside.

Thanks to the great responsibilities which I was given in this job, I've discovered my own strengths, my abilities and also a new part of my identity. I was able to recognize people in their qualities and I could encourage them to stand up for themselves, take their place and spread their wings.  I could help people to believe in themselves and to freely put their ideas and creativity on the table. People felt acknowledged and supported in their personal development and as a result, the business grew and prospered.

We consequently hit the business plan in my branches with more than 100 % year by year and everybody felt very successful and proud!

As I grew my career further in the bank , I became increasingly aware that the management has created and supported a culture of fear: blaming, shaming and blackmailing.  Fortunately, I've found the strength, the confidence and the courage in myself to transform this fear from above into love, true understanding and support towards my employees. Because I believe in love, respect, justice, true service and the good in people. At that time I discovered that I wanted to make my own mark in the world. I felt in my heart that I want to contribute to a greater purpose. But I didn't know how yet.

My answer came through the love of my life. After years without a relationship, I longed for a man who has a big heart for people and has the qualities that suit my character. I prayed to God for years to meet a man who I can fully embrace with all my heart and soul,  where I can feel at home in his heart.

In 2007 I met my Dutch husband Ton Creemers for the first time. A brilliant man with unique psychological knowledge. He was already an experienced Senior Coach and Business Advisor who guided people and organizations in all aspects of human development. With speed and quality, I've never met before. Ton was able to put into words what I automatically did in my way of guiding people in my work. Our frequencies matched immediately. And we fell in love.

Only Ton didn't fit in the expectations of my family and my culture. He was older. He was divorced. He already had children. He was a foreigner. And had another religion.  As a result, initially, our relationship was heavily rejected. But in the years later our love united everybody. Because people saw that we are truly happy together.

I'm a great idealist and believe that love always finds ways. I fell in love with Ton's big heart which has in it all the qualities that I wanted to find in my man and not only with his outward form. 

 Still, it took me 2 years to gather the courage to make the decision to give up the life I've built up, to choose for the love I felt for Ton and to start completely from scratch together with him in The Netherlands.

We worked shoulder to shoulder together for 7 years. With his help, I've learned the psychological background of peoples' characters and behaviors, as well as which patterns hinder our human development, how to let go of the things, systems and structures which don't serve our well-being and how to implement new behaviors that promote true happiness and joy in life. Ton helped me also to understand the spiritual laws of life  (to which I unconsciously tried to live by),  how these work and how to implement them much deeper in my life.

During this time I discovered the power of coaching. By witnessing the transformations of our clients and the strengths and the possibilities which were released as a result, I knew: coaching is my thing. This is my mission!

I believe that no one has to hold back! We have talents and qualities within us that we should develop and give to others and to the world. Then we serve ourselves, our families and our environment at our best. If we fail to do this, that will lead to frustrations and ailments, as well as to failure to succeed in other aspects of life. At least, not to the fullest of what we are capable to accomplish.